you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
