we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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