Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
