worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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