My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
