why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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