I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
