yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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