hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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