why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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