He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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