id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
