he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
