Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize