Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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