my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize