Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I need water and some morals
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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