Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
