In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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