found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
