It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize