he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
