im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
