I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
