I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
