my shit smells like andre
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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