Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
