I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize