Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
