My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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