Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
