It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
