I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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