she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
