She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Terrible idea I love it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
