thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
