He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
