windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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