literally had 100 drinks last night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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