I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
