pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize