Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
