quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize