well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
