this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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