I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
