officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
