he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I will be naked everywhere
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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