I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
we should paint friendship bongs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
