he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
