Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
