I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
