Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Randomize
