Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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