haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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