chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize