If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize