I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
