Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
