I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
