I am spending my child support on dildos
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize