I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
