My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
