I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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