somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
