Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
