If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
