he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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