We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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