Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize