You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
