So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
