when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
