with your own penis?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
