I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
