U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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