it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
