Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
