just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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