Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?

(847): View more from Illinois

Beat you to it.

Fav 9 2013 840
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(813): View more from Florida

Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.

Fav 13 1026 3698
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(301): View more from Maryland

I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.

Fav 16 6159 764
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(248): View more from Michigan

Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?

Fav 16 7904 1249
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(916): View more from California

It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.

Fav 4 2485 969
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(425): View more from Washington

Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET

Fav 5 1184 797
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(585): View more from New York

He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.

Fav 4 1104 624
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.

Fav 0 590 227
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(304): View more from West Virginia

We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.

Fav 3 86 24
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