sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
