She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize