never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
